My photo
I love, I laugh; as a mother, a girlfriend, a daughter, a sibling, a friend. I change. I volunteer. I make a difference. I make things happen. I get lazy; then way to high strung. I stay up all night, and pay the next day. I piss people off. I make people love. I believe in fate. and karma. I laugh at myself. I've even been called an "angel"... more than once. I've been rocked to my core by angels among us. I am a journalist for our small town newspapers, including the Muskego Chronicle, the Hales Corners Citizen, and the Franklin Citizen; I love writing for our chicken-soup-for-the-small-town-soul publications! I am right where I want to be. I am 34, and proud of my age (every birthday is another gift); the greatest thing I have done is contribute the beauty that my clone-like daughter Sophia has to offer. She is my legacy. I am a total mama’s girl; always have been, always will be. I have a Black-Irish bond (unbreakable) with my siblings. I am comfortable in my own skin. I have never been insecure, not once. I love people; but prefer kids to adults. I am not the least bit judgmental; but can hold a grudge to my grave. I follow my heart more than my head. Intentionally.

Friday, April 11, 2008

New Year. No resolution..

New Year. No resolution..
The Christmas trees are finding their way to the side of the road, next to the endless bags of torn wrapping paper and remnants of pretty bows. The excitement of the holiday is hibernating & we seem to be getting ready for the long, cold days of January and February. Its seems there is not much to do in the months ahead, aside from, paying off the Christmas credit card debt, searching for a cure for the inevitable cabin fever and attempting to honor a promise to ones self, we title "The New Years Resolution".
Resolution (noun) A statement of intent, a vow
"My" New Years Resoloution obviously means to make a vow to yourself. Think about this. If you make a promise your child, best friend or mom, do you do your best to honor your word? I think most of us do. On the flip side, how do you feel if someone breaks a promise to you? Do it evoke negative feelings? Do you feel let down? This brings me to my case in point. There is an old cliché, "if you don't love yourself, no one else can". The same applies.
Typically the new years resoloutioon is of epic proportion. A grand decision, with the intent of self improvement. Usually started with enthusiam. It seems to me, whatever people resole to do, or not to do, is also very unreasonable. More often than not, this becomes a broken vow, a promise that is forgotten until the strike of midnight, the next countdown. This is the time, after the kiss, you can hear chatter about all of the new resoloutions & bashfful giggles about last years choice. "starting now" may be a part of the dialect, like a broken record. This year, I was witness to a broken resoloution at 12:03am. The countdown ended with fireworks, sent into the cold night sky by my own daughter. Excitement was in the air, for me, most definitly. But then I watched a man I don't know (and have no desire to get to know quite frankly), start his venture by letting down the one person he shouldn't- himself. Call it the photographer in me, I am a people watcher. A good one. Most of the time, people don't know I am watching, listening & putting the puzzle together in my perspective. I guess their story. I just usually don't verbalize it. The man, had a smile, slurred words of celebration & a pack of cigerettes in his shirt pocket. The fireworks ceased. He reached for a marboro red, put it in his mouth & struggled with the mecanics of his lighter, but eventually got his cigeratte lit. he inhaled deep, as he let out the smoke with a grand exhale, it mixed with the frigid air & was surrounded by a dramatic cloud of a broken resoloution. You couldn't help but turn your eyes to him. Standing close was a man I have know most of my life. I respect this person. He is also the smoking mans boss. He takes one assertive step into the cloud of destruction and says, "did you already forget your resoloution?!?". With a swift move, he grabbed the cigerette threw it down and said, "now is a fine time to start". Normally, I give people a week, at the least. I am not implying that all resoloution are broken, but the truth is, in my expirence, the majority of them are.
In my own opinion, the stereotypical New Year's resolution is a terrible way to start a new year. Don't make promises you can't keep, especially to yourself. We are all hard on ourselves, our own worst critic. Chances are you are not as fat as you think you are, your house is already suitable for company, your ex is not really out to ruin your life & your salary is closer to your neighbors than you think. We all have strong points, as well, weak spots. Its human nature to want what you don't have, but is the grass really greener on the other side? We all have the power to change but where do you look for the courage? I think it's within all of us, if you don't feel it, dig a little deeper. Surround yourself with people who inspire you, those that are where you want to be, or have what you aspire to posses. If there is something about yourself or your life you don't like, change it. Let it disturb you to the point of action, that's where the courage is. Do something the second you realize that's what needs to happen. Make a call, throw it out, write a letter, whatever it make be, get your plan in motion. That second. Resolve to do something or to not do something. If this happens, throughout the course of the year, you may not find it necessary to have the promise of failure, know as the New Years Resolution. Take the blinders off & resolve to make decisions that will pay off. The pay off may be monetary, or related to better health, more love, friends or fun. They could be aimed towards general self improvement or to attain material possessions. Whatever it may be, become aware, get disturbed & keep your eye on the prize- 365 days a year. Chances are that mountain is just an ant hill.
When people ask me my new year's resolution, I simply smile & say "not to have one". I got tired of failing myself. I always have a list in my mind of things in life that need improvement. This particular New Year's Day I made a list of reasonable tasks I will accomplish in the cold months that lie ahead. I also made a list of things I am good at, and very happy with, so I am aware of my actions that lead me to my own success. I made the decision to share them, as always, I welcome anyone's opinion.
I need to (and have done something to bring me 1 step closer)
* learn something new
* stay at my current weight (it took 2 years, but I finally gained 10 lbs)
* cook more
* laugh, love & live more (and write about it)
* be someone's saving grace… at the 12th hour.
* become more punctual
* watch all the movies I have not seen.
* take photographs of all of it.
I love (and will maintain)
* My job I love.
* My love of friends & family.
* My role as the matriarch.
* My steadfast devotion.
* My greatest gift and grandest honor- to hold the title, "MOM", to that remarkable little human, I named Sophia (if you met her, I think you would agree I am doing a good job)
In conclusion, I wish all the best in 2008. Find the courage within yourself to resolve each day you wake, you will be the best you can be.

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